Year 2, Month 3: Jan. Wrap-Up

Hello! Did you ever notice how most magazines combine January and February into one issue? There’s a reason. It’s because nothing really happens then, does it? But yet somehow, the time just crawls by.  Illustrator Roz Chast nails it. I think of this sketch every year around this time:

Are we still doing stuff? Sure! Is it house related stuff I can talk about here on the blog? Nope, not really. But I’ll try my best! 

I’ve been deep into the edits of my second book this month. Well, I really NEED to be if I still want to publish it in March! This has led to the quest to find the perfect writing desk set-up. I need to stop injuring my shoulders and neck by sitting stupidly hunched over my laptop at the kitchen table. I can’t have a real desk, because then when our kids come for holidays or we have guests, we wouldn’t be able to blow up the queen-sized air mattresses in the study and the music room. But I do have a third floor full of construction materials and architectural salvage! So I went up there, found some horses and an old table-top, and threw them together. Viola- my new office! 

And now onward to pigeons and resolutions! This is the time of year for setting goals and reviewing one’s life and whatnot. So here’s how it's going for me so far.

Just before New Year’s Eve, I had the most vivid dream. I was at the Mauch Chunk Opera House, a place I know and love and have played many times. This time, I was in the sparse crowd. I was laying across a few seats in the center, a few rows back from the front. LCD Soundsystem was playing very loudly over the speakers. They weren’t live-I suppose it was just the house music. Now I’ve loved them for a long time (and I have in fact seen them live-it was AMAZING) but I hadn’t listened to that particular album in a few years. The song that was playing was “Home”. And it got to a certain part of the song, and I just knew deep in my bones that the lyrics were EVERYTHING.

They were the key to every single thing in my life. I’ve never been more certain.

I woke up, and tracked down the song. And these are the lyrics I focused on in my dream:

You might forget

Forget the sound of a voice

Still, you should not forget

Yeah, don't forget

The things that we laughed about

And after rolling on the floor

And thankfully, a few make sure that you get home

And you stay home

And you better

'Cause you're afraid of what you need

Yeah, you're afraid of what you need

If you weren't, if you weren't

I don't know what we'd talk about

Yeah, no one ever knows what you're talking about

So I guess you're already there

No one opens up when you scream and shout

But it's time to make a couple things clear

If you're afraid of what you need

If you're afraid of what you need

Look around you, you're surrounded

It won't get any better

And so, goodnight

So WOW, right? I’ve been thinking about and analyzing them ever since. Firstly, the part about forgetting the sound of a voice, but not forgetting the things that we laughed about feels especially poignant.  This past year,  Kevin and I both lost our beloved fathers, both of whom loved a good laugh. And yes, these lines do make me cry every time I hear them, but it’s a good sort of tearing up, you know? (incidentally, there is a line earlier in the song-”This is the trick-forget a terrible year”). 

So next: There is an awful lot of talk about being afraid of what you need. Am I afraid of what I need? What do I need!? This really feels like the crux of the whole thing. But I love the “Look around you, you’re surrounded, it won’t get any better” line. I think it means I don’t have to worry. 

If you want to listen for yourself, here is the link to the video on Youtube. (Go ahead, I’ll wait.)

Now, as I was pondering all of this, I happened to drive a few hundred feet up the street when my eyes caught a curious sight. A bird flew across the intersection in front of my windshield, and I could have sworn it had a pigeon in its talons. I turned left and stopped, and there, not 15 feet away from me, sat a bird, on top of a pigeon, eating it! I even managed to catch it on video. I did my research and discovered that the bird in question was a Merlin, a member of the falcon family! They are incredible predators and they have been known to eat pigeons. Royalty used to train them for hunting and then release them back into the wild. 

The next day, Kevin and I went for a walk. We were passing some tall trees a block up, when something was falling from the sky. It turned out to be pigeon feathers! The merlin was back, sitting in a branch above our heads, raining feathers down upon us!

Now I’m a person who loves to read about animal totems and symbolism and meaning from the universe and stuff, so naturally, I have been seriously wondering what lessons I can apply to my life from all of this.

So far, this is what I think.

I think that pigeon-eating merlin is telling me that all the hard work and love and attention we’ve put into Pigeon Manor is the sacrifice that was needed to help feed things even greater up the food chain. I might be afraid of what that is at the moment, but I don’t have to be, because if I look around, I see that I am surrounded by love and support. 

So that’s the complete report. May the universe send you many signs, and may you enjoy the heck out of analyzing them!